I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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