I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
