Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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