Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
