Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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