I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
where are my eyebrows?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
