I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Damn victory sex feels great
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
