She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
