what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
