ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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