So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
