she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
