So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
