nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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