Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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