Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
