What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
