there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
