Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
