He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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