i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
