Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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