Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
