garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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