Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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