Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
