I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We have started to decorate penises.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
