Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
