just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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