I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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