Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
