i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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