He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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