The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just sucked dick on a ferry
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
