Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he puts the penis in happiness.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
