pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
