Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
