I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
