dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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