i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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