i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
