We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
