I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
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when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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