i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
