doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
