I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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