hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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