I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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