Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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