Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
