I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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