If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
