When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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