why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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