Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
