yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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