I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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