there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
