Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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