I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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