I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
