If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
