So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's always time for handjobs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
