two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
