it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
