Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
