There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think i have two assholes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
