i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
