you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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