you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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