i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
