when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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