Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
