remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
