Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
