i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
