Betty ford says i'm here all night
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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