Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
