My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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