You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
