just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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