Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
