Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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