and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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