he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
